RM: Hold onto your seats, football fans, because we have a
roller coaster week ahead, here on SLPN Sports coverage of Division III
Louisiana State Football! We’re a month into the season, and the stakes are
high. Everybody’s battling it out, and no one team is at the head of the pack –
except for the main feature this Saturday: The Baton Rouge Sharpshooters. These
gauchos of the gridiron are riding a three-game hot streak and are heading into
the suburb of Hathian tomorrow to Columtreal University. And that’s where
things get really exciting, because the Columtreal Looters have shown to be a
big-time spoiler for such a young program, and this is an especially big day
for them. It’s Homecoming at Columtreal. Pride is on the line, along with a
two-game win streak nobody thought the Looters could claim. So tomorrow at 2pm
SLT, at Seaside Field in CU, we’ve got Hot Streak versus Win Streak, Top Dog
versus Underdog, while the whole CU community turns out to watch. I’ll be
covering the game with Will ‘Tank’ McNamara, State Championship Defensive MVP,
and I know you wouldn’t miss it for the world, right, Tank?
TM: Not a chance, Rob. Not an ice cube’s chance in the Devil’s
Playground. About as much of a chance at these Columtreal boys have of stopping
the Sharpshooters.
RM: You’re already called this one, Tank?
TM: Called it, took it out and kissed it goodnight, Rob.
This one’s done, and it’s Baton Rouge by a mile. It’s done. Destiny. Fate.
RM: Where’s this confidence coming from?
TM: Ask me to pull my shirt up, Rob.
RM: [laughs] Oh no. Not again.
TM: Go on! Ask! Never mind.
[Tank wrestles his shirt up. Shows his Baton Rouge
Sharpshooters shirt. Hoots.]
RM: Should have figured you’d be showing the old
black-and-red off, Tank.
TM: Black-and-red, alive or dead, to the very end! That’s how
the fight song goes, Rob! And that’s how we Sharpshooters play it. We’re a
proud program, and we’ve got tons to be proud of this season. Three wins, zero
losses. Leader in points per game average. And a formula for victory in the
form of running back Grayson Granger and quarterback Burke Fallen!
RM: The stats support you there, Tank. Granger and Fallen
are chart-toppers on some key stats: Completion percentage. Yards-after-catch
for a running back. And broken tackles.
TM: Grayson Granger ain’t never met a tackle he couldn’t
break!
RM: He may have met his match, though. Granger and Fallen
may be first in the Division in those stats, but there’s another pairing that’s
solidly right behind in second place: Yamaguchi and Keaton.
TM: Now Rob, you know I’ve given these boys their due over
the season. That 60-yarder wheel rout for a score was one for the books. But
there ain’t no second place on Saturdays: Just winners and losers.
RM: Then how about these first-place statistics? Running
back leading in touchdowns? Yamaguchi. Yards after contact? Yamaguchi.
TM: It won’t matter though, Rob! Won’t matter! Ain’t a whit
of difference! The Sharpshooters got a flexible, high-pressure defense. They
can field in-your-face personnel that go tooth-to-tooth with all kinds of
offensive players. They have experience with Nickel schemes, Dime schemes, even
the mean-as-a-bear 4-6 scheme. They can blitz, block and befuddle even the most
seasoned quarterback.
RM: I can feel the Baton Rouge pride even from where I’m
sitting, Tank, but numbers don’t lie. The Sharpshooters are struggling when it
comes to keeping points off of the board.
TM: Aw, whatever – they’re still winning! And Yamaguchi’s
getting a surprise in the form of Sharpshooters defense secret weapon, the senior
outside linebacker, Semyon Ortiz. I’m talking the Mexican Mormon! This proud
product of a south-of-the-border Mormon compound chose Baton Rouge for his
home, and the boosters and I couldn’t be happier to have him and his magical
under-roos on the team. He leads the Division in tackles and he’s gonna lead us
to the Promised Land! The kid’s the second coming of Tank McNamara!
RM: There’s no arguing that Semyon Ortiz is a champ across
the statistics already. How does this affect the Looters offense?
TM: Shuts it right down! Only number Mitch Yamaguchi’s gonna
be is a zero! Columtreal has one good receiver – Hayden Grimm – and he’s needed
in the slot because he’s the only thing that keeps the Looters aerial game
alive. Ortiz is going to shut down Yamaguchi’s run, he’ll shut down Yamaguchi’s
passes, he’ll shut down his spine if he has to.
RM: Can the Looters say the same, matching their defense
against Burke Fallen?
TM: No way. Columtreal’s good at one thing on defense: Pressuring
the quarterback. And don’t get me wrong, they’re beasts at that! They swarm out
of five-man fronts like Africanized bees. They got a Tackle who missed the
start of the season, only to be heading for the top of the league’s stats on
Sacks, Joshua Andrew-Parker. They’ve got that new colossus of a linebacker,
Vidarok Omizu, who showed up in a big way last weekend, batting down balls like
he were LeBron. And they’ve got that maniac, Scott Samson, whose defensive play
as Strong Safety led to not one, but two scores last week! So, yeah, they’ve
got epic talent when it comes to killing the quarterback, and they’re starting
to install that whole scheme into their defense. But pressuring the QB can
really work against you when you’re facing an opponent who lives and breathes
the fast, short passing game.
RM: And the Sharpshooters are the model of that kind of
offense.
TM: Picture perfect short passing offense, yes. They hand
off the ball to Grayson Granger to keep the pressure off QB Fallen. They pass
to the tight end and on screen passes, to keep the pressure off Fallen. This
guy must be the coolest cat in Baton Rouge, because the whole game revolves
around getting the ball out fast and accurate. They’re building Burke Fallen
into a 21st century Dan Marino.
RM: I hate to break it to you, Tank, but if there’s one
defense in Division III that could take him apart, it’s the Looters. Anybody
who’s seen the tape on Omizu, Samson and Andrew-Parker knows they’re vicious as
it gets.
TM: Agreed. Demolition Derby, every play. And you saw Samson
spit on a guy, right? Guy was on his own team! Hell, I’m brokenhearted that I
won’t see Rock ‘The Rock’ Washington win Offensive MVP, because the Right
Tackle who blocked for him, Grover Custer, is still in the hospital with a broken
sternum, thanks to Samson’s helmet. But you won’t make me sweat for the sake of
Burke Fallen. He’ll get the ball to any one of his top receivers, he’ll feed it
to Grayson Granger through the hand-off or the pass, and he won’t even need to
wash his jersey after this. Looters Quarterback, Jason Keaton, is another
story, though. That boy likes to scramble, and he’s due for a wake-up call. I
don’t care if his passer rating is almost on par with Tom Brady, or whatever
stat the Observer ran. If this boy tries to run it like he did week 2, he’s in
for a surprise. Mexican Mormon’s gonna break him off something.
RM: Come on now, Tank. No chance for the Looters at all?
TM: Well, maybe one. Kick it! Try for a kick every down. I’m
just messing, of course, but their Kicker is leading the league right now in
distance and in accuracy. Seth Corbin…by the way, have you seen a picture of
this kid?
RM: Can’t say as I have.
TM: Guy looks like he’s got his own stylist. You want to
talk about someone who’s on par with Tom Brady, Seth Corbin’s got ol’ Tom beat
in the pretty boy department. They must have Flock of Seagulls doing his hair
before every game. Anyway, I’m just ribbing Seth, because his stats don’t mess
around. The Looters can win by trial-and-error in large part because Corbin
forces their opponents to go 90 yards to score. I don’t know where he got his
leg from, but if that’s how they grow them down in Columtreal, the place should
start its own soccer team or something!
RM: Let’s hope not! I don’t think the town could survive
more excitement than its getting this weekend. To be a part of it, either be at
Seaside Field at 2pm SLT, or tune in on Twitter @LootersFootball
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