Tank McNamara: I think it's a pile of b******t.
RM: Uh. Heh.
TM: Seriously. F**k those guys.
RM: You all right there, Tank?
TM: F**k 'em. You see that Scott Samson animal spit in Burke Fallen's mouth? Who does that s**it?
RM: We're bleeping this out, right?
TM: It was like the middle ages down there. There was a knife fight when they won the game. They were stabbing each other. And don't think I didn't see Michiaki blindside Ortiz late in the fourth! Don't think I didn't see you, Mich! I can find where you live, man! I got connections!
RM: Let's cut to commercial.
[COMMERCIAL]
RM: We're back - well, I'm back - with coverage of the Columtreal University Homecoming Game, where the 2-1 Looters faced the 3-0 Sharpshooters, and knocked them right out of the top slot, into the mud with the rest of them. It was a real nail-biter, folks. We'll be reviewing some tape here, and talking about who made and broke this game for the underdog champs.
First up, we have to focus on the brilliance of the run game. A key element to the Looters pulling this one off was keeping the clock control out of the Sharpshooters' hands. If they let their opponent hold onto the ball for too long, Burke Fallen and Grayson Granger would have cut them to pieces with their short pass, run-heavy game. But the Looters did a great job of balancing a steady, almost plodding run game behind power running back Michiaki Yamaguchi, with huge plays. Yamaguchi produced a steady pace with the run game despite rumors of him having been injured prior to the game. He sure didn't look banged up to me. He was in almost every play, got the yardage the Looters needed, and moved the chains.
And when the Looters needed big gains, they could count on both Yamaguchi and the Tight End, Sergi Makarov. Makarov's return to the field gave the Looters the kind of explosive power and distance their passing game has lacked. Makarov's been out the last few weeks due to illness, and the team has had to rely on Hayden Grimm, who's a very physical player, but who plays from the slot. Makarov, by comparison, is a locomotive - a fast, enormous tight end in the mold of a Jimmy Graham or Jordan Cameron. He gave the Looters a 50-plus-yard gain in the first quarter that had the Sharpshooters secondary in a nickel formation, defending against the deep pass, for the rest of the game. That really opened up the run for both Michiaki and Looters Quarterback, Jason Keaton. And that spelled the difference in the game, when a 24-30 Sharpshooter lead was destroyed by Keaton's 12-yard touchdown run in the last fifteen seconds of play.
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| Mich and Jason celebrate the winning TD. Photo courtesy @SethHCorbin |
But Makarov's inexperience showed. He not only lost the ball to a strip by league-leading Sharpshooters Linebacker Semyon Ortiz, he also let the Sharpshooters recover what would have been a score in the third quarter when he fumbled out of the end zone. If Keaton and the incoming Looters coach shape Makarov up, he'll be a giant ruling the field. Until then, he's an unknown quantity. That's never a good thing in football. But there's no doubt that Keaton continues to rely on Makarov's talent and dedication to drive his team down the field. He's the bang to the reliable 'buck' of Michiaki and Grimm's short-yardage game.
On the other side of the ball, we saw the kind of smash-mouth play that's become characteristic of Looters football. Joshua Andrew-Parker's unit dominates the line. His defense is all about pressuring the quarterback, crushing the line and using speed and deception to frustrate the run game. Today was no different. Sharpshooters quarterback Burke Fallen is as good as any player in the Division when it comes to quick reactions, but he was sacked no less than six times. That's a Division record this season. Fallen was still able to put three touchdowns on the board, but it wasn't enough to keep up with the ballistic Looter play and steady clock control. Strong Safety Scott Samson and Middle Linebacker Vidarok Omizu were savages out there, shredding the Sharpshooter offensive line and effectively taking the Sharpshooter run game out of the equation.
The real hero was Seth Corbin, though. Word has it that Corbin has earned the nickname "Sweet Cheeks," and one can see why. The Columtreal Kicker is kicking a perfect season, and this was no different, as he planted a 48-yard field goal, and the winning extra point. Every single kick-off from Sweet Cheeks Corbin to the Sharpshooters resulted in a touchback, meaning that the visiting team had to march 80 yards of Hathian, Louisiana turf to get a touchdown. With Andrew-Parker's bruising defense, that made for as brutal an 80 yards as you'd find in Division III.
Fights after plays, big hits and explosive running game - this Columtreal University Homecoming 2014 had Looter football looking its best. It was a huge win for this up-and-coming program, and will go down in the personal record books for the Looters, as cheerleader Tallulah Birdsong proposed to Joshua Andrew-Parker. Naturally, "J Dawg" accepted. The Looters have a lot to celebrate this week, but they best not celebrate too much. They have a lot of improvement to do before they're state champ material. Keep tuning in to see if they'll make it to the winner's circle. See you then, on SLPN Sports!
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